i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
