I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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