Have you finally orgasmed yet?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
