he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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