guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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