I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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