I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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