we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
