Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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