he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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