Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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