i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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