i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
