okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The air taste purple.
Randomize
