overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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