I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize