He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
