I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
