was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
