so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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