two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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