If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
