Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
