FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
