so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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