In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
