I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
