p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
