Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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