Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
