If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
