You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
