You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
