i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
