conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
