can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
