you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
from now on my penis is your penis
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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