I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i permit you to call me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize