I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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