i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
