I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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