you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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