Soap is not a condiment
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
