Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
