My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
