we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
