Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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