I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
