Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
