Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
