He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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