i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
