i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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