sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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