i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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