Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize