so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
