I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize