Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
