You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
