I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
