remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
