I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
