She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
