I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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